This one is anonymous but is probably from Al O'Peesha by the style. The Beater fucked off after the Made in Macc tour and this letter details his replacement by Phil McCavity.
Macc Lads guitarist, the Beater, has left the group, due to an arranged marriage in foreign parts. On his return, immigration permitting, he has decided to form his own heavy metal band called "Bugger."
Muttley and Chorley have spent Christmas scouring the gutters for a likely replacement. On a bench in South Park, under a pile of newspapers, drinking meths they discovered a dirty old tramp...
"Can you play guitar?" they said.
"Can you drink a vast amount of beer and shag loads of women?"
"No." "Well fuck off then."
Anyway, they found this old git called Phillip Mcavity, who can't do anything either, but he has got a fit sister.* They will spend a few hours teaching him the ropes, and a few months drinking before Phil's debut gig at:
Junction 10, Walsall. Sat Mar 11th
*Uncle Knobby says he's got some nice pets.